I lead a very ordinary – but extraordinarily happy – life. I don’t live extravagantly, but, like most Americans I certainly have many, many more “things” than I need. And that is even trying to follow the principles of “simple living“.

The joy that I feel everyday has nothing to do with being an actress per se: it comes from being very much in love with my husband; having a wonderful relationship with my family; feeling healthy and strong; loving my work and believing in my activism; having terrific friends; knowing myself very well (thanks to years of therapy and self help books!); living within my means.

For fun, Ian and I go for walks, do the crossword, see movies (we just love being with each other – we actually really dig grocery shopping together.) I work out daily, and worry if I gain weight or when I find a new wrinkle. I call my twin every day and speak to my mom and my brother once or twice a week. Ordinary, wonderful things.

Thank you for your best wishes and for writing. I wish you happiness and success also.

Alexandra

Dear Sarah,

Because my twin is gay, I have always wanted to play a lesbian. I figure I have gay blood in my veins because Caroline and I are identical twins! When my manager, Daniel, told me about the part, I worked very hard on the audition, and was thrilled when they offered it to me. I checked a lot of books out of the library on being homosexual, lesbian sex etc. and after I read them I called Caroline to discuss it all and she just laughed and said, “Where did you hear that?” I am not sure I learned much of any use from all those books! As Caroline says, relationships are relationships and breaking up really sucks if you are gay, straight, young, old, black, white etc.. This was a movie about the beginning, middle and end of a relationship, all told in 15 minutes or so! It was a blast to shoot, and is fun to watch. The woman who played my girlfriend in the film was straight also, so we had to get a lot of advice from the crew (which was mostly gay) on how to set up the sex scene, which was pretty hilarious (Caroline was a bit too embarrassed to go into particulars with me).

To see stills from the show, go to http://www.power-up.net/breaking_up.html, and the filmography section. To order a dvd of Breaking Up Really Sucks and other Power Up shorts (support lesbian empowerment!) go to www.power-up.net.

I was lucky enough to play a lesbian in a film earlier this year, Trapped, and I would love to do more lesbian roles. And I was in the successful gay movie Ten Attitudes, playing the sister of the gay lead (my good friend Jason Stuart). I narrated a video supporting gay marriage in America, have been in the LA Gay Pride Parade twice and I am an ardent supporter of equal rights for gays.

If you are an out lesbian, I salute you. It isn’t easy being gay in America today.

Alexandra

I believe how partners treat differences is more important than what those differences
are. I like having a lot of the same beliefs and interests with Ian, because then we can do lots of things together that we both enjoy! But Ian is more relaxed than I am, much more “go with the flow”. The key to not letting our different attitudes get in the way is to have patience, to listen, be willing to see the other side of things, and to recognize that there is usually not a right or wrong, but just a difference in doing things. For example, I don’t like dishes in the sink, and for me “doing the dishes”, means drying and putting them away immediately. Ian, on the other hand, prefers to fill up the sink with dishes and then wash them. Then he leaves them to air dry on the counter. Now, there is no “better” way here. I happen to be fastidious, which means washing, drying and putting away as you use a dish. Not very efficient, though, is it? Ian feels it interrupts the flow of his day if he has to stop and wash the dish he has just used, plus it is not as hygienic to dry with a dishtowel than to let things air dry. We both realize that neither way is inherently better, just different. We have discussed this matter many times in our 11 years together, and have come to a compromise: he doesn’t let the dishes stack up too often and I give him slack if they do.

I love that Ian is more relaxed than I. He helps me relax more, which is fun; I would MUCH prefer that than a perfectly clean kitchen all the time! It sounds like you and your fiancé have the same positive side effects of being different. The key is, when the differences become disagreements to be able to discuss it in a nonjudgmental (no “my way is better than your way”) manner and come to a compromise you both are happy to live with.

Alexandra